Porksword

Element Meat Block!

So, my question is: what is the anatomical female equivalent of this spam's "porksword"?

Snootpocket? Snouchdoodle? Dreamcatcher? No, all wrong: it has to be a meat product. Meatpatty? Gross enough, but not specific enough. It clearly has to be a meat product coupled with a weapon. Hamshield?

Not yet, because ideally the meat will mean "to fuck" when used as a verb, and also because "Hamshield" is the name of a house-alarm system (Slomin's Hamshield).

I hear the voice of Law & Order's S. Espatha Merkerson when I read "Care about your wang."

Gosh, would you look at that thang?

This should help with your post-VD comedown...

Happy VD

Tiny Tim by Drew Friedman, via

Girl + Scarf + Woods = ???

For Delphina. Is a friend of yours now painting pictures of young ladies in parks with scarves?

Someone leave the cake out in the rain

Searching for photos of Beggars Opera = Good times.





"Bruce"

It's only a matter of time before used ones start showing up on the streets of my city, probably on 20th between Sansom & Chestnut.

And I'll never have that recipe again...

An innocent baking-substitution query nearly goes horribly awry.

A charming (?) sign that the apocalypse has already happened

With thanks to Billy Kemmler for sharing

Joy riding

These are a few of my favorite things

Presenting a very special flavor

For Peter Dixie

Again comes the powder

This ingredient list reads like absurdist poetry, or cooking using oblique strategies:

Element meat block! Again comes the powder.

With thanks to Pollard for telling me where to find the vegetarian meat.

A little-known fact about how Neil Young recorded the soundtrack for Dead Man

This is especially hard to caption

GuitAir Face

I only watched the first minute, but the guitar player's faces are making me play air face guitar -- air guitar face? -- along with him.

...oh shit, fast-forwarding reveals woodwinds

Dakota Fanning as Cherie Currie?

A sign of the apocalypse that is not even charming.

Pet Brussels Sprout

Childhood memories...

Liquid Meat

via Boy's Own Paper

Baby, it's cold outside

"Courtesy" of LG/JvD, via

In which we continue to ring in the new year

With tamale balls!
Via our very own Delphina

Centaur handbag

Courtesy of Ruth

Love is Like Oxygen

It will come, it will come, it will surely come

Sweet & Tender Hooligan

Not until the next time: Billy Kemmler in much of his glory.

Dazzle Ships II

1983 album by Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark

Dazzle Ships I

Dazzle camouflage, also known as Razzle Dazzle or Dazzle painting, was a camouflage paint scheme used on ships, extensively during World War I and to a lesser extent in World War II.

Why did I run out of money...

...before getting celestial portraits for all of us...

From Po-Ho to Eternity

So many to choose from in this post.

Take off all your clothes and wear these lovely flowers

That is a lyric from the song I am listening to, "The Nymphs of Umtwalumi Wood" by Green Pavane.

I am alone.

Xythantiops, we hardly knew ye

(Technically speaking, is Xythantiops a furry?)

Oh how I laugh and laugh

I just read this Thoreau quote:
"O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches"

But it looked to me like:
"O how I laugh when I think of my vaguely itchy vagina"

I don't know how that happened.

Now, with even less self-respect... Philadelphia!

(click to enlarge)

Courtesy of Titus Rochelle

Don't be fooled by the vegan scrapple

This is not a vegan blog.

(confidential to Stormy: if you want to take this down I won't be mad)

The preoccupation with pork fat

The Great Scrapple Correspondence of 1872

Left behind when a hipster disappears into thin air

Okay, so he evaporated. The question is why: Sunlight? Forced to wash hair? Metabolized the last trace of PBR in his system?

Mind you don't go twirly on me!

Bezabor: a peculiar character. "He's a queer old bezabor."
Catch-talk: Trivial sayings. "There's a lot of catch talk in the Bible."
Do a dicker: To make a bargain. "You and I might do a dicker on him."
Innards: Guts. "There'll be a fire built on your innards down in Hell."
Notional: A little queer. "I'm notional that way."
Old apple in the wind: "His head was rolling all over his shoulders like an old apple in the wind."
Rangdangle: To beat up. "Klore intends to rangdangle you."
Rumple: To destroy. "I don't mean that a swaller is going to rumple your innards."
Sheltered honey: Pampered. "She was always a sheltered honey."
Spraddly: Apart. "We saw that his legs were spraddly and his back arched."
Tile: Silk hat. "The gloss of a man's tile is distinctive."
Twirly: Unbalanced. "He bumped his head and went twirly."

From Erie Canal Colloquial Expressions, by Jason Almus Russell
© 1930 The American Dialect Society

Exploring the male nude in the landscape

For Stormy. Do not confuse these Animales with the Manimals he brought us earlier today.

*A centaur with wings is called a pteracentaur.*

One of many things you will learn (against your will) by perusing this set of manimals by flondo (trademark).

Meatscapes

view all the meatscapes here

Led Hoagie I & II

Good Hoagies Bad Hoagies
Babe I'm Gonna Leave Hoagie
You Shook Hoagie
Dazed and Confused and Hoagie

Your Hoagie is Gonna Come
Black Mountain Hoagie
Hoagie Breakdown
I Can't Quit You Hoagie
How Many More Hoagies

Whole Lotta Hoagie
What Is and What Should Never Be Hoagie
The Hoagie Song
Thank Hoagie

Hoagiebreaker
Living Loving Maid (She's Just a Hoagie)
Hoagie On
Moby Hoagie
Bring It On Hoagie

Quoth the Raven

via a very enjoyable post from retrospace

Rat Soup's friends

Again thanks to FT

From Poland with Gloves

I may have to buy this to confirm its existence.

This guy was called Rat Soup

Via FT

No comment

Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty.

For the pee-shy germophobe in all of us. What exactly is the point of this janitorial log??

I Will Swim Belly To Belly With You Forever

For Delphina.

The Cover Letter*

Between 3 p.m. and 7 p.m., mix the following:

1-3 beers
Pair of glasses even though they hurt your nose
Sip or two of whiskey or tequila
Microsoft Word
Old cover letter
Curriculum vitae
Battered ego

Mix well, suppress gag reflex, and try not to cry.

* Soundtrack provided by Stormy Pheathers